These Phrases given by My Parent Which Saved Me during my time as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of being a father.

But the reality quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. While society is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a wider inability to talk amongst men, who often absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - going on a few days abroad, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, staying active and when you can, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help is not failure - taking care of you is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - expressing the feelings safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I believe my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."